A Little of the Backstory . . .

(Zoom for full poem)

". . . you were meant to be happy."
automatic writing typed on a Polaroid. -me

Today marks the second day of spring. I started this blog 3 months ago with the intent to connect with others, share my creative life, my process, my discoveries, my journey - and hopefully inspire others along the way. Then I realized I just jumped right in without any sort of introduction. I'm a little backwards and upside down like that sometimes. For those just visiting or those who've been with me since the beginning:

A Little About Me (At this Moment in Time).

My name is Carissa. I live in Florida with my two cats and creative partner (he writes and makes music.) I grew up wandering the streets and markets of this little town called Mt. Dora. Since birth I have always been curious, mischievous and creative but I just realized not to long ago - I am an artist. More on this discovery later. I'm still wandering but I realize my purpose on earth is to create and be of service in some way. This is what I dream of - writing, illustrating, painting, connecting, growing, inspiring. I realize there's plenty others like me, and they inspire me greatly! Those who know me in "real life" say I'm already inspiring them. It's funny how easy it is to look past or downplay our little achievements.

Why I Make Art.

Aside from the utter joy I feel when my hands are covered with paint and inspiration is all a flutter - I create first and foremost to explore myself. To connect with something far greater and expansive than I could ever be. Sort of like meditation. I try to document all the little messages and things I "hear." I'm eager to Listen, Learn, Share and Grow. I'm learning more and more about myself as an artist (and a woman) this year.

Making Art and Journaling Has Been Huge for Me.

It helped me get to the root of so many things - Being raised by an alcoholic, an eating disorder, self sabotage, addiction. I'm still human, still constantly trying to stay balanced but I'm leaps and bounds better than I was in my very early 20's. I'll be turning 30 next year which used to seem frightening, but now looking back - my 20's is actually whats frightening.

Not too long ago, after many years of dragging out the decision, I decided to dump the negative people in my life and immediately everything propelled forward. It was like this invisible anchor had been cut free. I learned to set boundaries and sail brave and free across uncharted waters.

I've started my life over from absolute zero, square one, blank chalkboard with squeaky wheels rolling in the room - at least 3 times. I've walked down many dark roads, read countless self help books, tried self-hypnosis, and lots of yoga. I still love a good rainy day with Sark. Always. These things combined with art and some brave decisions saved my life. There's invisible hands at work here too, I can't forget. It all sounds well and good, but trust me I've fallen off track many times. I'm being completely honest because I enjoy the same honesty in others. I don't want to filter out the truth of who I am and where I come from.

Art = Self Help.

Exploring my tiny world.

As a child I read "The Diary of Anne Frank." It inspired me to write about my childhood struggles growing up with an alcoholic mother. Mothers are so important to little girls, but that's a whole other story. This I must tell - One day in a drunken rage my mom took pile of my poetry, writings, doodlings, and drove them to a dumpster. When I got home she was stumbling around screaming, "I can't believe the things you wrote about me. It was all a bunch of garbage. I drove them to a dumpster." My heart still hearts a little when I think about "The Lost Journals." I have a big-big soft spot for journaling and writing and I want to develop myself as a writer, despite the fact my first achievements were thrown in a heap of rotting waste.

I spent a lot of time going down some dark paths, but around age 25 or so I started sewing (and coincidentally mending my life.) I went back to school for Graphic Design. I had a few really passionate teachers but the school lost funding, they were fired, and I dropped out. I've never really been much of a school type, but I did enjoy working with other passionate people. Since the end of 2008 I have been obsessed with Painting and Illustration. Mixed media is great because I can combine ALL OF MY LOVERS into one.

My Recipe Card:

So here I am now, 29 and still trying to figure this "thing" out. I'm quite naive, scared, brave, honest, and learning to stay true. I have found my home in art and feel so comfortable here.

If you've made it this far - thanks for following my journey. I hope I haven't said too much. Up to this point I've met so many incredible people through the online world and blogosphere, and this is only the beginning!

Always more honesty moving forward.

With Love,
Carissa