Stepping Boldly in my Creative Life

 

It's OK to Be Different... Print Available Here. 

I begin this message with a deeeeep inhale and a slooooow exhale. Its amazing how much air we can hold.

Hello all, I'm back with a big ol' update! Starting sort of backwards from the results of our trip to Savannah! It was a real soul opener........From the moment we left I felt a little out of sorts. I hadn't packed my bags well & knew I was forgetting something. Ends up it was my sneakers. We were going to do nothing but walking for the next 4 days so I knew I'd have to find a cheap replacement. Low and behold I ended up with Miley Cyrus Zebra Print high-tops! It was all I could find & I felt they were a little over the top, but my mister said, "These are SO YOU! Get them!" I felt like missing my shoes and then finding these was like a little (bold, humorous) nudge from the Universe.... "Yes! We want you to walk more BOLDY through your life... YES." Remember my mantra from last year? Beautiful Bold Brave Bodacious Babe! I always felt so empowered by this & sort of let it drift. So now I'm back with the bold & bodaciousness. Thanks to my zebra shoes.

This trip away really gave me a clear perspective on my life. I kept feeling like, I need to downsize, I need to prioritize, I need to walk more boldly in my creative life. For many months I had been working a cubicle job I felt truly miserable at. Coming home in tears many-a-night. Letting it all rob me of my energy. My energy to create, to be, to express, to fully share and live. My gifts in life were put up on a shelf for safe keeping. For the last few months I had fully gone adrift. I waded in the deep and murky waters of this place. This feeling. This restrictiveness. And I felt this sense of calm, as if everything were for a reason. This little boat will land safely on the shore of her real and beautiful life someday soon......

In many ways this trip woke me up from slumbering, to my full potential. To the things I feel so strongly about they bring tears to my eyes. To the things that make ME come alive. To my purpose. To not what anyone else might think or feel, but ME. It opened me up and allowed me to see, the truth. And the light I'd been hiding on the shelf for so long. Any time your light is hidden, I urge to you ask yourself WHY!? I realized I need to stop PROTECTING myself from what other people might think and PROJECT who I TRULY am. Share my light with others, relentlessly, BOLDLY, bravely. Be the me I was at 15 who dressed in mismatched clothing, neon tights, boots strapped, backpack always packed. I stood on trash cans outside the mall entrance and recited poetry loudly and proudly. I ran through any sprinkler that was on. I rolled down grassy hills. If something was too far to walk or bike ride I called a taxi. I got into mischief. I. Was. ME. I realize now I was LIVING FROM A PLACE OF ACTION... a place of PROJECTION and so much Trust. That little girl had something to say. Something to share. So why did I ever shut her up in the first place? Protection... I began second-guessing myself and became even more hyper aware of the judgements of others. What are they thinking? Should I dare say this? Wear that? I shrunk my light. I carried around other peoples "stuff." In the past 5 years I have improved immensely in this area. (Anything is possible!)

When we got back from Savannah I went back to my cubicle, feeling alive and refreshed. I started looking around for jobs that were ME. Jobs where I could be of better service, helping people, truly helping. Weeks passed and things around the office got increasingly difficult. Corporate bullshit mostly. Theres no other way to describe it. One particularly bad day I came home in tears & cried myself dizzy that night, to the point something major shifted in my brain.... I felt a bit Alice in Wonderland, tall, short, tall, short. And to quote Alice, I realized, "This is my Dream! I'll decide where it goes from here!!!" The sense of urgency to leave this place felt HUGE. I woke up the next morning, nauseaus and still in tears. I was pretty much having a breakdown. My heart could not imagine going back there. I was so miserable, my soul was literally empty and dry. I talked to the mister on the phone & he said, "Why don't you just put in your 2 week notice?" Then he shared a quote from Indiana Jones about taking the first step and the bridge appearing. So, my friends, I did just that. I marched in and put in my notice. Immediately, I mean instantly, a HUGE huge weight lifted. I doodled in my journal little rocket ship feet. Thats exactly what I felt. I did it!!

I quit my Soul-less Job!!!!

(For some odd reason, I've been afraid to share this with "the world" via my blog. I think theres a certain bit of fear (there goes that Protection Bulb flashing me in the face and blinding me....) What will they think? Will they support me in my decision? Will they think I'm crazy for quitting without having another bridge to leap to? Will they blah blah blah?? Voices in my head. Thats all it is. And the truth is, it doesn't matter what anyone else might think.)

I followed my heart. 

 Though the road may be winding, its never steered me wrong. So that action, hooray for ACTION, was my big BOLD move. Honoring my heart, my Inner Wise Self. I never intended to quit my job so suddenly. I really didn't, but the Universe has other plans for me. Already since leaving I have opportunities unfolding to teach Yoga and if all goes well, and I'm living from a place that it will -- a local Art Workshop... And anything else I want to create for mySelf. Right? Isn't this life all about what we create for ourselves?? I'm resurrecting another Mantra from last year - "Who's Gonna Stop Me?!" Who's gonna stop me from living a life of my dreams?? Only me. Only me. Now I just have to dig a little deeper into this aspect of Protecting so I can fully Project! I'll get there. I will.

One more final update, I saved the best for last! During our trip to Savannah, the weekend of Valentines Day, the Mister proposed! ! ! ! We are officially engaged! It was such a Romantic and Dear trip. I couldn't have asked for anything better. So I leave you with this in the most southern accent I can muster up, 

"I'm getting married ya'll!"

With So much Love,
XO,
Carissa