Friday, July 10, 2015

Radical Train of Truth. Coming Through.

Radical Train 
Of Truth
Get on
Get off

An underlying theme keeps rolling through, boiling down, and rising up in every single area of my life — the simple line -- the truth will set you free. Untangling from all the lies. The spells. The poison apples. I’ve had to put down a lot along the way, as I continue picking up on these tiny little over-arching threads of my existence — because I grew up around so many lies — big lies, tiny lies, massive lies, mixed with fractions of truth and shoved into the closet.

 I won’t hash over these lies, but I will share one key way I overcame them — simply by knowing my self. It sounds so easy, right, but it really boils down to shedding all the personal history that ties you up in believing anything but your own true longings and callings. Knowing your deep self -- deep enough to rake up all the other surface things. Taking out the trash, burning down the house (of lies).

 Knowing that you mean well. That all of your intentions are pure. That if you get a lump in your throat and “sing the words wrong” — you are safe within a world who knows you, who loves you, and has no need to forgive you. I had spent many moons in this world tip-toeing around my truth, my existence, knowing I had these big giant red balloons inside just waiting to burst — while simultaneously riding alongside the very real fears of stumbling and tumbling and being incredibly lost in translation as I project my little light hard, over and through and beyond the tangled up forrest of my personal history.

Why am I here, now, shedding this on screen? Because I hope it helps someone out there who's been hiding, holding back, living in little white lies, little sparkly niceties, tip-toeing like some refugee, or through years of self-exploration and therapy to discover you’ve been glossing over the real stream of things. The truth around whatever IT is -- really will set you free.

 I am a woman who has trekked across many-a-mile with sweat pouring from my breast and never-ever-missed-a-beat. I absorb every little detail, every little whisp in the wind, every little crackle in the night, and find myself reflecting in every-creature, in every-one, in every-living-thing. I am a woman who is finally. calling. herself. such.

 I have walked through blazing suns with head scarves, my notebook and inner compasses in my gut to integrate my own shadows and lies, and I wouldn’t change a bead or beat. I wouldn’t dare question or linger or wallow any longer, because I am incredibly honest with my self, and the time to hesitate on anything I believe deeply, know deeply, sense deeply, is through. I have always, always known. And this. is. the. skin. my. soul. chose. 

To know yourself as you endless become something new, can be a frightening, confusing place, but yes, you can. . . You can pioneer the continual act of shedding your personal history, those little spells or lies, and the dark parts of yourself others might try to draw back out or cling onto, not-so-innocently, as you step out boldly with bells on your hems, singing imperfectly, dancing ridiculously, riding the glorious train that endlessly arrives. . . to deliver you. 

Ride on. 


  1. Oh, Carissa, this moved me deeply. Thank you for sharing your truth! Lots of love. xo

  2. So glad to hear. Big love to you! xoxo (((~.~)))

  3. This is so brilliant and beautiful! Such lovely and powerful words! Shine brilliantly! :)

  4. I am on board with you...riding a fast train , moving thru something liberating ...freedom of letting go !!


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