Friday, July 17, 2015

On transforming, struggling, and putting things to rest.

On transforming, struggling, and putting things to rest. 

Because living a Soul-full, deliberate, handmade life isn't always easy, especially when we think our visions will fall flat or maybe some did, and we can't always see the bigger, deeper, wider transformation occurring right. under. our. nose. Here is a little story (a true story) about a caterpillar who came into my life recently. As I witnessed him wrestling with transformation, I saw / felt some very real things I needed to. . .around what it can feel like to Transform or birth any new project into the world --->

A few months ago, a caterpillar followed me home. I left the windows open in the car hoping he’d find his way to a new tree or bush, but the next morning he was hanging on the interior roof. Assuming he latched onto this vehicle for a reason, I did some research and set up a little house so he could create his chrysalis and transform safely. 

He immediately caterpillar-ed around, exploring his new space which was fully equipped with a variety of greenery, branches, and some crystals to climb on.  He had a bite to eat and on the second day began the arduous journey of forming his chrysalis. It was an exciting moment, but I could tell it was taking all he had to prepare for such giant transformation. I felt honored to witness his struggle, his giant pauses between movements, and can't help but see the reflection in my own journey. 

On the third or fourth day I noticed he had moved away from the very loose and rough outline of a cocoon he had so painstakingly formed and was resting underneath the purple amethyst which was far beneath on the ground. It was a sad moment, because my initial fears and self-judgements of 'I surely fucked everything up somehow' quickly passed as I was holding in my hands a very real part of the very real process of what it takes to completely transform from one state to another. It spoke of death in a whole new sense to me. It hit home, hard, as I've been through the arduous journey of completely melting inside my own little cocoon in order to transform with my body, my cells, my intuition, and personal history as my ultimate guide and vehicle. 

Bless his new vision. 
(above = a monarch who had been on his own arduous journey, landed and latched onto me in his final hours, last year, where i built him a similar little home to rest. . . .)

After a bit of research, I found not all caterpillars complete their process of transformation. This little guy was lovingly buried and thanked for being a Messenger. 

Here is a little more on what I gleaned from him:: 

This little caterpillar soul came along to tell, to show, to help put to rest all the various transformations or ideas or projects that didn’t quite reach their full potential, or what was thought to be their full potential. He left a big impression here, with such powerful reminders on the process of continual awakening. How it really requires putting to rest all those old stories and ideas about our former attempts to transform, and what that transformation will look like in the end. I believe he had a bigger vision than just becoming a moth, or butterfly, and perhaps one of his visions is here in this story, in this living example of burying what is no longer alive for you — so you can move freely into what IS. 

Bless his / my / your new vision. 

One last update:: I am so excited and honored to be one of 12 Guides in this current round of Inner Alchemy Circle :: Fire Coven held by the ever power-full alchemist extraordinaire who inspires me immensely with her Unabashed Living and Writings, Mindy Tsonas. I conjured up the word, and energy of a Tempest in my card / piece -- a passionate, powerful storm that you can literally harness and BE as you move through your life clearing the path and creating BIG momentous change. To be the Tempest. To be the Change. 

Blaze on. 



  1. Aw, I love caterpillars. Caterpillars are tempest, in a way! I'm glad his hard work wasn't left unnoticed and there was someone there to learn and appreciate his story!

  2. Love this post, Carissa! I am in the process of letting go of something that I built up, but know now that it will not come to fruition as I had once envisioned. I don't know what it will be...a free-flying fluttery some-thing or a little lesson-filled dormant thing that lives in a drawer? What I am aware of now is all of the energy I have been expending trying to make it something that it is's time to let it be what it will be and let go of my expectations. After all, to hold a dead thing in my hand is just as magical as to hold a living one.

  3. This is very powerful and much needed as I am in the process of shedding my own skin. Thank you for sharing!


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