Friday, September 24, 2010

Just like that : From Nausea to MAGIC. A story.

Hello, hello! Happy Friday friends! My morning started off pretty well, until I started freaking out about showing my paintings for the first time. Aside from friends / fam / and internet world, no one has seen them. I just didn't feel like anything was ready, and couldn't figure out how to display it all, because a big table would be too big, a small table would be too small, and and and! What do I do?! Ah! All these crazy what-if's started rolling through my head. Theres been a lot going on in this little world of mine, and I think the whole cosmic thing that just happened shone a lot of light into dusty corners. My vulnerabilities did shine today, but after a nice little pep-talk from my man I was back to reality. I got my ass in gear and went to the thrift store where I just knew I'd find the perfect little display table. Sure enough, there it was, an old skool desk for a whopping $3 down from $12! I also found a cute little dress to wear, and got change from the bank. I was in the groove and feeling good! I even stopped at Publix for Sushi, and the sushi-maker himself was there. He offered to make me a custom roll! Instead of just handing it to me over the counter, he came out the door, so I hugged him (which he wasn't expecting!) I practically skipped out of the store w/ a huge grin on my face.
I got home and scrambled everything together. The sky was looking pretty dark, like it'd rain any moment. I went ahead and left anyway. When I arrived there were only 2 other vendors out of 20 who'd shown up. They said the rain was going to pass, but the nervousness from earlier set in and I totally froze. There were no other artists there, I'd be all alone, it looks like rain, and theres quite a few people walking around w/ these brochures in their hands. I must be honest, I was pretty much petrified to set up and stand there all alone. I'm the girl who ran and cried when she had to stand up and give a speech in high school. I got over that w/ time, but I still have a tendency to be very-very shy or feel really uncomfortable in large crowds.

So, I went back to my car, looked at my stuff, looked back at the alley, looked back at my stuff, then literally started sweating and felt nauseous. I just pictured myself all alone against this big white brick wall, all those people walking by, and me still feeling awkward and nauseous and sweaty. So I did what any spaz would do and got in my car and drove around the block like 4 times until these cops w/ sirens came through, escorting 2 yellow buses to who-knows-where. I pulled over, called my boyfriend's Mom and talked to her for a good 30 min's.

I happened to pull over in this particular district in DeLand where a few blocks of 1920's houses (previously crack-houses) were all purchased by one fella who beautified them all. Low and behold this adorable little blue + white house is for sale, so I walked around, peeked in the windows, all the while Mom's still on the phone w/ me. I am already "renovating the kitchen" and "setting up my studio..." Being as amazing as she is, she said it was good I didn't do the art show and was able to stumble upon this house. I walked further up the street, just curiously strolling. I started to head back to my car when this mini-van pulls up and this man says "hey, are you lost?" I said, "No, no, I was just happened to stop here and was looking at one of the houses for sale." Ok, long story short, guessssssss whoooooo he is?! THEE fella who bought up all these houses, and is coincidentally running for the Governor of Florida, and coincidentally also an Artist / Writer / Architect / Man of Many Talents. Next thing you know, he's getting his key and showing me around this house w/ a flashlight! Then he showed me his current house which he transformed from a warehouse! And then he pulled his very own published Art Book off the shelf, and gave me a copy of the documentary he made about rebuilding this district, and showed me pictures of amazing houses he designed in California. I was like WOW! Here I was standing in this immaculate house w/ this super awesome guy, his super awesome friend Babette, his adorable little daughter, and this beautiful parrot type bird they just got. It was this total WOW I am so fully awake right here in this moment, moment.

YES I thought I was being a wimp for leaving, but truly
I was following my whims, listening to my gut feelings. 
I am so happy to see it led to chance encounters
to Keys and doors being opened
to Flashlights shining around
 to just like that
M A G I C !

Life is just pretty damn amazing sometimes.
When I stop feeling bad for feeling, and just be the perfectly imperfect ME that I am.


  1. Wow that was fate! You went where you were suppose to go. I'm just like you,I would have got nauseaus too,plus I have really bad anxiety.Which makes me feel like my heart is going to explode on top of being nauseaus. Its not a good feeling. I try not to let it stop me from doing things.

  2. at a restaurant
    i once overheard
    a segment of a
    between two women
    & one said
    "where there's
    no flow,
    the answer
    is no."
    way to go!..
    to drive around
    & follow
    your whims
    back into
    looooove to

  3. you are not a wimp! sometimes, our hearts say no to things that we think we want to do. and your decision led you to something wonderful. there have been times where i've gotten into my car, gone to the location i'm expected to be at, and then turned right around and have gone home. it happens, and learning to be ok with it is the hardest part!

  4. Well, I think you are really BRAVE! Another lesson for me to follow my heart!

  5. wow, what a story! Sounds like it was just meant to be! And don't worry about missing that show... there will be another one that feels just right!

  6. What a great story! I love the awareness you had that it was all "just right" even though you didn't participate in the art show. What a gift! And I agree with Kelly- there will be more art shows in the future for you. It is all perfect timing.

  7. i LOVE this story!!
    everything happens for a reason my friend.
    i am a firm believer in that and this story reflects it.

    how fun to meet this awesome man who has done something so wonderful in that neighborhood. oooooh.....i can see you in this house!!

    and there will be many more art shows for doubt about it!!!

    big squeezes

  8. one more thing....

    you are never alone!!!

    your sisters are with you in spirit and have your back!!


  9. I have always & will always admire you, Cariss. With no sense of irony, I think you are truly magnificent & your life is a good book that I can't put down. Love & miss your radiance & company, friend.


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